Saturday, April 12, 2014

'Cause at the end, I'm the Fairy of your Nightmares.

When I'm thinking at night... the man who should love me. I see his face but I don't know who is he. I listen to his laugh but I don't know where he is. I feel his cold hands suffocating me.

They said that no-one could love me; the man who's gonna love me must be special and great. No stupid man could help me in this kingdom as my king... but if everything keeps the same, forever alone I'll stay.
It's the bad thing about being someone like me, a perfectly imperfect person as an old clock.
The man who will love me must be honest and brave, so he'll tell me that doesn't love me no more, without playing to the cat and the mouse. He must have a good heart that doesn't break, not as mine. He must make me feel special, makes me laugh... although everything is a lie.
The man who will love me... he'll take me into his arms at night, whispering poetries at my ears so I can sleep. He'll be handsome, so I could remember that I'm ugly. He'll be intelligent, nice, with kindness...

The man who will love me...


Bad-luck, my predilect friend, is talking again into my mind...

He wants you around but doesn't want to be with you. He still wants to share things but giving you back nothing. You don't know what to expect, what he wants from you. Just your words give him courage, gives him the value, and so he tells you; but you answer that "I give you that, but I've got nothing in return, as you don't value me as I deserve. 'Cause I deserve a lot". And he agrees. But he didn't even try back then. 'Cause maybe he's a coward, he's scared of life, of being hurt, of love. And doesn't wanna get involved with someone like you. Like me. Someone whose heart is big and full of things you wanna share with him. 

I'm sick about waiting for the right one to come. I'm sick of patience. I'm sick of people saying to me that "You should get over this". Holy crap, what the fuck do you think I'm doing? Do you think I like to be stuck in here? Don't you think I'm trying it so hard? I don't know how he's got the power over me, but I must cut the rope that keeps us together, undo the knot. I'm desperate about it. And I'm trying so hard, it's not easy with a broken heart.

So they always say that "the man that's gonna get you, must be someone brave, someone, big"; and you try to go out, and meet other people, other cute guys. But you don't find anyone, or you scare them. Yes, I'm the kind of girl that, with one look, can scare a guy. Any guy. 'Cause I'm big, and there are so many things inside me, so many monsters hidden inside. 'Cause love stories, the big, real ones, never happen to me.

'Cause at the end, I'm the Fairy of your Nightmares.

(Yes, I used to write a lot and draw this kind of things. I still write this).

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